So, Quick Question…..If you were running a race and passed the person in 2nd place, what place would you be in now?
And….another one: In a lake, there is a patch of lily pads. Every day, the patch doubles in size. If it takes 48 days for the patch to cover the entire lake, how long would it take for the patch to cover half of the lake?
Wonderfully, our brains are conditioned to process information in a certain way – which for most of us is thinking logically and strategically. While this is absolutely useful much of the time, it can [and does] prevent us from seeing what is right in front of our faces. And what is blindingly obvious to one person, is just not able to be seen at all by another.
Life is fast – and getting faster – and many jobs require that you have an enormous capacity to think on your feet, to problem solve and to come up with new, more cost-effective solutions to old problems. It is hard to be innovative, or curious, when your brain’s always on the lookout for the fastest, easiest, and most obvious answer. The pressure of getting answers quickly can mean that potentially important red flags are overlooked.
I have observed that this pressured environment can make it really easy to either opt for the most obvious answer or to totally overthink and overcomplicate things. Once we factor in the very real concern of not looking like a goose for making the wrong decision, analysis paralysis becomes a very real possibility OR we opt for one thing and hang on for dear life convinced that we are absolutely correct and everyone else is wrong. We invest everything in being right. .
Like many others, every now and then I suffer from that dreaded disease – The need to be right!! – and, oh boy, has this got me into some interesting situations.
I learnt the lesson the hard way – you know……the whisper in my ear, the slap over the back of the head and finally being run over by a steam roller – and it took a bit for me to realise that my insistence that I was right – particularly being right, right now – kept me from seeing things from others perspectives, taking a full part in the discussion or event that was happening around me and ultimately delayed me reaching any consensus or full understanding of the issue.
This desire to be right can, and does, become a real barrier to intimacy and communication – not only in your personal relationships but also in your work relationships with colleagues, peers, your team or your manager.
Some questions I ask myself when I feel this need to be right coming on are:
• Would you rather be right or be happy?
It is easy to equate being right with being happy. They seem to be a perfect match. However, consider this: To be right all the time you will have to make someone else wrong. Long term this will drag your own happiness level down because people don’t enjoy being around someone who is always pushing their version of events and opinions, pushing their “rightness”.
• What are you trying to justify by being right?
I will give you some clues here: Maybe you think you are smarter, better, not at fault and want to prove that you are not wrong. These can be all about excuses and laying blame on others, neither of which will improve the situation, the relationship, or your own self esteem.
• How important will you being right be in 10 minutes, 10 weeks or 10 months from now?
Asking yourself these questions helps to level the emotions. The feeling of needing to be right can be intense and sharp, while the future feels hazy. This discrepancy places the focus on our present desire and emotion, giving it way too much power. Asking these 10/10/10 questions forces you to shift your focus into the future which will give some insight into the impact of your actions.
Being right at the cost of the quality of your personal and work relationships does not contribute to a positive, productive, and happy life. Your desire to be right, right now, will stifle potentially great relationships. There are enough difficult conversations [breaking bad news, providing feedback to staff, ending a relationship] to be had with others without this additional challenge.
One thing I love about human beings is that we are complex which is exactly what makes us so wonderful and different. How boring would the world be in we were all the same?
Ok, let’s go back to my initial questions. The answers are: Second because you ran past the person coming second, and 47 days because it would double on day 48 to cover the whole lake. Boy did I seriously overcomplicate the lily pads question…And then convinced myself that I must absolutely be right…..What about you? xx